Life According To A Toddler – Funny Toddler Quotes

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Life According To A Toddler – Funny Toddler Quotes

I may have about 30 years more life experience than a toddler, but apparently I’ve been doing it wrong for all these years. Who Knew?! This is Life According To A Toddler..

Life According To A Toddler



Life According To A Toddler – When Something Is Broken

When things are going wrong and they just won’t work why no take a leaf out of  the toddler book of ‘How To Fix It’.

Toddler : Mummy… if it doesn’t work KICK IT!!

Toddler : Mummy my toy is broken me a new one

Life According To A Toddler – When You Feel Unwell

When your feeling poorly and you need something to make you feel better those toddlers know the best cure. They do tend to suffer from a lot of ailments especially around bedtime…sometimes they are a bit over dramatic with it all to.

Toddler : Mummy I need some chocolate because my tummy hurts

Little Man : Mummy I can’t walk my arm hurts

Toddler : Mummy I can’t walk my shoulder hurts

Little Man : Mummy I can’t go to sleep my cheek hurts

Toddler:  Mummy I can’t go to sleep my toe hurts

Little Man : Mummy I can’t go to sleep my hair hurts

Toddler : Mummy I’ve got a cough .. I’m dead

Life According To A Toddler – When Someone Is Annoying You

When your on the toy telephone and it asks you ‘Hello, How are you today?’ but you’ve already explained the situation once, was she not listening the first time? – I’m thinking maybe this is my new way to deal with those cold callers or other annoying phone calls – toddler style!

Toddler : Look Lady! I’ve told you already!

Life According To A Toddler – Toddlers and Pets

Household pets and toddlers don’t always mix well, all this time I’ve been worrying about the cat but really I should have been looking out for that dinosaur. You have to watch out for those naughty dinosaurs in your house, especially seen as they have a sweet tooth and will be after your cake.

Toddler : Mummy… smack that dinosaur in there! (points towards the dining room)

Toddler: Mummy…shoot the dinosaur! Close that door! Shut him in!

Toddler : Mummy…the dinosaur’s eating my cake!

Toddler : No Dinosaur – you’re naughty – I smack you!


Life According To A Toddler – Fashion and Looking Good

When you’ve spent years and a small fortune going to the salon to achieve the perfect mum hair-style, little did I know I’ve been doing it oh so very wrong. Crocodiles – the new way to achieve that new hair cut you’ve been waiting for.

Toddler : Mummy! There’s a crocodile in your hair! SNAP SNAP!!

When you come downstairs wearing your new and expensive checked shirt from Next, you’re super pleased as you’re looking pretty trendy for a mum that has little time to make an effort – yeah i rock this shirt … may be not.. oh well I tried.

Toddler : Mummy?

Yes Darling..

Toddler : *looks all confused at me in my new shirt*

Toddler : Are you a Cowboy?

Life According To A Toddler – Christmas

Father Christmas is amazing – he’ll bring you want ever you’d like, even a colour, well as long as your good. This is going to be a tough one to achieve even for Father Christmas I think…

Me: What would you like Father Christmas to bring you?

Toddler: Yellow

Me: A yellow what?

Toddler: Just Yellow!

Life According To A Toddler – Future Jobs

We all have dreams and ambitions as a kid and at some point in our lives we’ve all entertained the idea of being an astronaut and going into space, although I think a rocket may be a tad heavy and expensive to pull off even for NASA.

Toddler : Daddy let’s build a rocket

OK, What do we need to build a rocket?

Toddler : Gold..

Mummy It’s OK – You’re Doing Great!

Super Bestest Grandparent

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18 thoughts on “Life According To A Toddler – Funny Toddler Quotes

  • January 9, 2016 at 6:27 am

    Hilarious! I can’t wait until Archie is full-time talking. Yellow for Christmas sounds like a great idea, I think I’ll have pink please! #justanotherlinky

    • January 9, 2016 at 11:45 am

      I know! I think he’s dinosaur obsession is from watching too much peppa pig!

      • January 9, 2016 at 5:18 pm

        Too much Peppa Pig you say?? I was not aware that there could ever be too much?? (Every time my daughter sees a plane she does not say “plane” or “helicopter”. No no. She merely looks very hard to try and spot “Miss Rabbit” as clearly all aircraft are flown by her at all times).

        • January 9, 2016 at 6:21 pm

          Hahaha! That’s fabulous!!! We have a little man who things he is fireman Sam. He has to come rescue me with his helmet on and drives his scooter lol

          • January 9, 2016 at 6:29 pm

            … because if ever there was a fire it would always be preferable for the Firefighters to turn up on scooters hahaha. Too cute 🙂 x

  • January 9, 2016 at 6:47 pm

    So funny and random! jajaja my daughter has her own language and when she starts talking in it we all look at each other and laugh cause its so funny.

  • January 11, 2016 at 11:42 am

    I love posts like this. Tiny people come out with such random things sometimes #justanotherlinky

    • January 13, 2016 at 6:52 am

      I could listen to them natter away all day. Problem is sometimes they make more sense than the adults I know! X

  • January 11, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    These are brilliant! My toddler likes to demand punishment of various random toys too! Dear Father Christmas, I would like…yellow! Amazing. & I actually agree that to build a space rocket, gold is exactly what you would need! #fartglitter

    • January 13, 2016 at 6:47 am

      Same here! He plays will his toy animals and tells them off. No cow your naughty go sit in the corner and puts him in the corner – nothing better than watching toddlers play their imagination is fantastic! X

  • January 12, 2016 at 12:30 pm

    Haha. Yellow sounds like an fan present. Tha ks for linking up to #fartglitter x


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